Male Aging = Womenopause?
What happens to men at midlife and beyond
In 2023, after spending two years researching perimenopause and being at the height of my own miserable symptoms, I was rip-roaring mad that men didn’t have to go through perimenopause.
I became bitter.
Over the next year, I started taking my anger out passively-aggressively on random midlife guys I encountered who rubbed me the wrong way.
I would give dirty looks to any man in sight, feeling truly fed up with their very smug existence.
I was feisty.
But after some time, I realized that what I was doing wasn’t fair, and I had a husband and son to consider.
I didn’t want to carry around this anger any longer, so I started to research male aging and ladies; they have it rough, too.
It’s not just us.
Womenopause Andropause
It seems only fair that if women go through menopause, then men should go through womenopause 😁.
The term for male aging is actually called “andropause.” Some people jokingly call it “male menopause.”
Unlike female hormones during perimenopause that rise and fall at extreme levels, causing all sorts of symptoms, male aging happens more in a straight line decline. It’s a gradual process OVER DECADES, not the typical 2 - 12 years it takes for perimenopause.
Men’s testosterone declines by about 1% every year after age 30.1
It’s slow and not as sudden as perimenopause/menopause hormonal changes can be, yet it still has major effects the older a man becomes.
Testosterone is their primary gender hormone (although they do have some estrogen, same as women have testosterone), and when that starts to decline, the oddest things happen.
The biggest one we’re all aware of is men losing their hair.
I knew several guys back in the 1990s who were losing their hair already in their early 20s. I can’t imagine what that must have been like. I remember seeing my first wrinkle at 25 and the effect it had on me. It must be hard for young men at possibly their sexual prime to have to deal with the hit to their identity of starting to lose their hair.
By their early 20s, they haven’t really fully grown into men in our modern times, and yet here they are already losing their hair.
Once it starts, the hair loss continues as they get older.
It seems that as a society we’re able to normalize male pattern hair loss pretty easily, however many would say if they were being honest that men are only “distinguished looking” with grey hair when they have all of it.
-VS-
Losing their hair may be the most obvious sign to outsiders that a man has started the aging process, but there are other things going on behind the scenes, and men are left to figure it out on their own.
There’s no scientific association called The Andropause Society, like we have The Menopause Society. The closest thing to it is the European Menopause and Andropause Society, and even their website hardly mentions anything andropause-related. Where do men turn? Who’s doing andropause awareness - where are the influencers?
Symptoms appear gradually and can be confused for other things, like serious diseases and issues requiring medical attention.
Admitting to ourselves that we’re aging, whether man or woman, is a hard pill to swallow.
We have names and jokes for older men, too. They haven’t escaped being the butt of society’s jokes.
“Ok, Grandpa” gets used derogatorily for young and old alike.
“You know you’re old when your answer to the “boxers or briefs” question is “Depends.” - Parade
While the hair on their head thins, the hair in other places starts to grow.
Hair starts coming out of their noses and growing out of their ears. Their eyebrows start looking like fuzzy caterpillars on their faces.
Also expected are ears and noses that appear to continue growing. This is because the framework of these body parts starts to weaken and sag, making them look larger.
Some additional andropause symptoms are:
✅ Joint pain
✅ Insomnia
✅ Shrinking of the testicles
✅ Decreased muscle mass
✅ Low mood and depression
✅ Mood swings
✅ Difficulties with concentration and memory
✅ Changes in fat distribution
✅ Decreased tolerance for exercise
✅ Needing extra time to pee
✅ Losing their filters? I added this one.
Other than shrinking testicles, these symptoms sound very familiar to menopause.
The Limp Elephant in the Room
I saved low libido and erectile dysfunction for last.
Both are sensitive topics. Probably the most sensitive topics for a man.
It’s not just women who struggle with low libido at midlife and beyond. That was one reason why I loved the TV show Married with Children. Al didn’t fit the typical stereotype of a midlife sex-crazed man. He just wasn’t interested, even though Peg tried. Daily.
It emphasized that men may also experience difficulties with low libido, highlighting that this issue is not exclusive to women. Marriages and partnerships can be just as easily affected by a man’s low libido.
Not being able to get or maintain an erection, in my opinion, is one of the most embarrassing and “self-effecting” things a man can experience. I think most women are understanding, but it deeply cuts into a man’s self-esteem when he can’t start or finish the job.
That’s got to sting.
“If menopause is the silent passage, male menopause is the unspeakable passage. It is fraught with secrecy, shame, and denial… it strikes at the core of what it is to be a man.” - Gail Sheehy, author of The Silent Passage (a 1992 book about menopause)
Post Andropause
Being able to get it up and keep it up is tied to both pleasure (yours, mine, and ours) but also reproduction.
Andropause isn’t linked to the end of reproductive years like menopause is, which means men can continue having children well into old age. Andropause is linked to bloodlevels of testosterone and not concentrations within the testes, which determine fertility (along with FSH levels).
The oldest verified man to have a child is Ramjit Raghav, who was 96 at the time. He later died at 104 in 2020 in a house fire.
It’s unfair (maybe) that men can continue to have children while we can’t. I imagine having a newborn at 96 is not easy. George Clooney was 56 years old when his twins came along, and he’s been interviewed, saying it’s rough being an older father. So much for early retirement for the average older guy.
Although there are clear differences between andropause and perimenopause/menopause, in the end, learning about all of this helped me immensely in balancing my perspective equally between male and female aging. I no longer feel like I want to lash out at random men, so that’s good. I have more compassion for how the aging process hits us all, and I don’t feel so isolated in my gender.
Want to Laugh at an Old Guy?
Now that all of my favorite comedians are aging, they are talking about how it’s been affecting them. Sexual mishaps, bathroom trips, senior moments - they talk about it all.
Kevin Hart goes deep in his latest Netflix stand-up special, “Acting My Age.”
Click the image below to check out this short from his special:
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Kaye, Philippa. The Science of Menopause. Penguin, 15 Oct. 2024.
Appreciate this perspective. Men’s midlife changes are so gradual that it’s easy to feel isolated...
Experiencing Andropause (didn't know that word or even know there was a word for it, till now) myself. Been having hormones to completely knock out my testosterone, to prevent prostate cancer feeding on it and spreading.
Serious depression, grieving lost function, exhaustion and debilitating hot flushes. Understand now at least some of what women go through.
Still reticent to discuss this with friends because of the whole mocking of people with ED.
Loss of libido and desire is actually quite welcome as there is no function. Not looking forward to it coming back given the circumstances, although ceasing the hormone intake would mean that the cancer was gone, at least for the time being.