Hear Me Out Perimenopause

The upside of the change; 10 ways I've changed for the better

Feb 21, 2025

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There was a recent online cake trend called “Hear Me Out,” in which people used popsicle stick cutouts of their unconventionally attractive crushes to stick into the cake while declaring, “Hear me out!”

To give you an example, if I had such a cake, I would say, “Here me out, Al Bundy, from the TV show Married with Children” (C’mon, be serious, as if!!). Alright, it’s true.

The objective was to persuade others that there was a certain charm held by the person they had selected. I’m not quite sure how it was supposed to do that just by putting an image of the person onto a cake while recording yourself, but that’s social media for you.

Perimenopause can be unattractive to many, but let’s consider whether there might also be a charming side to it as well. I’m frequently asked, “Can you focus on the good things about perimenopause? Are they any?” so I thought I’d answer this question using this fun trend to highlight the good things that perimenopause has brought into my life.

Hear Me Out Perimenopause, It Isn’t All Bad

By looking at perimenopause through a positive lens instead of the gloom and doom it’s normally portrayed with, we can see the silver linings that this adjustment can bring from a newfound self-awareness to the potential for personal growth, these qualities can make this adjustment not only manageable but also enriching.

Let’s take a closer look at the distinct advantages that can emerge during this time of change, or at least as they have for me.

First Things First, Let’s Discuss Grief

Before I jump into this topic, I want to emphasize the significance of addressing grief first.

Grief is not just for dying; it’s for living, too.

Grief can feel like a longing for something you can’t have. It can be an experience we wish to relive or a moment we can never reclaim, like youth.

My perimenopause experience started with grief.

I went through the grieving process for my aging body, including denial (big time!), ANGER, wishful thinking, and sadness.

These emotions were all jumbled together and kept me feeling stuck.

I needed to work on my feelings of grief about aging before perimenopause acceptance could happen.

By allowing myself to feel these feelings and sort through the heartache of what once was, I could eventually find the clarity that comes with accepting that I had started perimenopause.

It’s a process that I’m still working towards, but I’m moving through it.

One insight from the grieving process is recognizing the positive experiences I’ve had and how I’m changing for the better.

I believe these should be honored:

Compassion Expands

Working on acceptance has expanded my compassion a thousand times. I’ve also become very protective of other women. Why? I don’t know.

However, there’s a grandmother theory of menopause that suggests we go through this process to become the wise elders of the tribe, helping younger generations of women.

Adjusting My Course

Just because we can do something doesn’t mean we should. Perimenopause serves as a course correction to adjust behaviors that weren’t in our best interest in the first place, such as ignoring a sleep routine or under-eating.

Our hormones used to shield us from the impacts of these actions, but as that protection diminishes, any action that does not serve our well-being risks further disrupting our bodies by increasing stress.

I’ve become much gentler, kinder, and more thoughtful towards my body. I use the value of aging gracefully as my guide that helps me make decisions now so that I can benefit in the future.

Perimenopause symptoms were my alarm bell to start preparing for my later years.

My Mindset Towards My Body Shifted

I realized no matter what, I am beautiful.

My body (and yours!) intuitively knows how to operate in the major phases of our lives: pre-puberty, reproductive years, and menopause.

The adjustment time between phases can be bumpy as your body adapts. Your body isn’t betraying you; it’s doing its best to support you during these times with the tools it has.

This was a huge mindset shift for me because I always felt with any health issue that my body was betraying me and letting me down. This shift in my thinking has helped me better appreciate the things my body does for me.

Better Job Supporting My Body

I’m guilty of doing ALL of the THINGS in the past when it came to exercise:

Overexercising
Underfueling my exercise
Not warming up
Not cooling down
Not stretching
Not giving myself rest days

Perimenopause won’t let me do these things anymore, and they didn’t serve me well anyway. Now, I can exercise properly, and I don't want to face plant on the couch for the rest of the day.

Downshifting Mental Chatter

I used to be the biggest ruminator. I could win Wimbledon from the amount of mental tennis I played. I over-examed everything!

All of this just burdened my brain and contributed to brain fog and exhaustion when reaching perimenopause. We only have so much energy, and if we aren’t sleeping well, that’s going to take away a lot of our mental reserves over time.

We need to conserve our mental energy for the important things. Overthinking things was a way I thought I was managing stress, but I learned it wasn’t a very good way.

For example, I would always hesitate to go to parties because I knew afterward I would spend a considerable amount of time berating myself for things I said or didn’t say or things I did or didn’t do. No wonder why I didn’t want to go! I’ve since learned why I do this and how to minimize this from happening.

And, in return, my brain has more capacity now, I’m much more social, and I don’t dread parties.

Fixing Poor Posture

My poor posture and lack of stretching caught up to me in perimenopause. I began experiencing a strange array of discomforts - unexplained aches, sharp pains, rib pain, unsettling clicking sounds from my joints, and a pervasive stiffness that felt as if it appeared overnight.

It wasn’t until a professional pointed out how rounded my shoulders had become, how much my head protruded from my body, and how I constantly twist to my right side for me to notice. I could tell that something was off with the way my body looked, but I needed an expert to point it out.

I’ve had to relearn what good posture is and actively work to improve it.

Focus on Experiences Over Things

Embarrassing to admit, but I used to be quite the shopaholic. It was my way of calming down. Perimenopause made me re-evaluate my habit because I wasn’t getting the joy from it like I used to.

Nowadays, being in stores or endlessly scrolling is overwhelming for me. The thrill of the hunt is gone. I’ve been focusing on experiences and time with people instead.

Realizing That I’m an Adult

As a child, wanting to please your parents is a natural tendency. Our little brains think it’s the path to love (and for some, it truly is).

But I realized that I’m now an adult; I’m not here to please others. I’m not here to hold myself back in fear of what others think. It’s time to let go of what other people want me to do or what they think of me.

Developing Creativity

Although I’m not artistic, I’ve always been creative. I’ve mentioned before that my mother was an art teacher. However, once perimenopause arrived, it strengthened my creativity.

I know I’m not the only one this has happened to. I hear it all of the time from perimenopause and menopausal woman that their creativity soared during this time.

Building Confidence

The great thing about the perimenopause community is that it’s filled with everyone in perimenopause. That’s awesome, but it somewhat skews our perspective that we’re going to be stuck feeling like this forever because we can’t see the destination.

Let’s hear it from someone in menopause who can tell us:

“Like so many older women I have emerged from the rollercoaster of perimenopause stronger, fitter, healthier, happier and a force to be reckoned. And one that loudly rejects the attempt to labels us as deficient (hormone or otherwise).” -
Clarissa Kristjansson
, writer of the Substack
Heart of Menopause

I loved this quote from Clarissa because it fills me with hope. I liked that she specifically mentioned a wild ride in perimenopause, and then she emerged victorious.

I can sense a boost in my self-assurance that I feel like I’m reclaiming from my youth. Sure, there are some days that I feel awful from perimenopause, but overall, I’m a much happier woman than I used to be.

This process is transforming not only how I view my skills but also how I perceive my potential for growth and success in life. A true metamorphosis.

🏓Your turn!

Have you discovered anything positive about perimenopause? Please share your wisdom in the comments section. I’d love to hear it! And, feel free to pop in your Hear Me Out Crush too! I’m all ears.