Mother-in-Laws in Menopause

Spending time with older women

These ladies look like they are having such a joyful time!

My Mother-in-Law recently came for a several-day visit, and I enjoyed spending time with her. She’s the only woman in my family over 60 that I have in my life right now, so I cherish our time together and being able to ask her questions.

I always have a lot of questions.

Being with her this visit really made me appreciate the connection I have to women’s health history through her. I asked her all sorts of questions about her menopause experience (which I knew bits and pieces of already) and what she went through.

I won’t get into too much personal information, but she’s been in menopause more than half her life. That’s pretty impressive, especially when all we hear is that life after menopause is deadly. It certainly helps me to keep a positive attitude and an open mind, knowing that it’s not all doom and gloom.

What’s her secret? Genetics plays a part, but I also think it’s because she cooks all of her own meals and eats healthy foods with a few treats on occasion. She stays physically active by walking, doing all of her own house chores, including lifting heavy things, bending, and even sitting on the floor when the kids were younger. She stays engaged with her neighborhood pals (and gossip!). She also takes life in stride by not dwelling on things.

She’s a great role model.

The History Before Us

Generationally, we grow up together in a cohort, which builds camaraderie and support within our peer group. We start school together, celebrate graduations together, get married around the same time, start families, and pretty much grow up with each other.

However, there’s a downside to staying within our pack: We don’t seek out the knowledge and wisdom of older generations. How many kids have made fun of their parents and grandparents for not being cool or relevant? Younger generations often find it annoying to hear older family members recount their past stories or hear their advice. Their impatience is evident.

But bridging that gap and recognizing the value in the stories and lessons of the people who have lived before us is something I hope we all appreciate more as we age.

Step on a Crack

In addition to my Mother-in-Law sharing stories with me, I was also able to experience life for a few days through her eyes. This helped me understand the challenges that seniors face in their everyday lives.

I have never paid attention to cracks in the sidewalk before, and they have never given me cause for alarm. However, walking around with my 82-year-old Mother-in-Law, who was very concerned about the cracks in the sidewalk, was eye-opening. I need to start paying attention to prevent injury.

Sidewalk cracks and uneven surfaces are a major trip and fall hazard. The National Floor Safety Institute reports that “55% of all slip-and-fall accidents are caused by hazardous walking surfaces.”¹

We took her to visit my daughter at college, and she was very aware of the people around her in crowded areas. The guys tossing a football on the quad were particularly concerning because they kept overthrowing the ball.

Another area she struggled with was grip strength. You don’t realize how important grip strength is until you realize you can no longer open jars. Grip strength is so important that it’s a marker for increased risk of premature and all-cause mortality.

Being with her makes me think about what else I can do now to preserve my mobility and balance. I work out regularly and take an adult ballet class, but maybe there are other things I can be doing now to help prevent issues later.

Feel Young Again

Everything in our society is focused on youth and the young, which can make someone feel older than their time.

For my 45th birthday, I went to see the movie The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel in a theater. My husband and I were by far the youngest in the audience. I was feeling blue about turning 45 (and here I am ready to turn 55), but being the youngest in a room sure is invigorating at that age.

Both the movie and the audience helped me realize that I still have a lot of life ahead of me.

The Grandmother Theory

We don’t know yet why we go through menopause. There are a few theories, and one of them is “The Grandmother Theory.”

According to the book, A Brief History of the Female Body: An Evolutionary Look at How and Why the Female Form Came to Be by Deena Emera, PhD, this theory suggests that menopause may have evolved as a way that older women can contribute to the survival of their grandchildren rather than bearing more children themselves.

There are very few mammals that go through menopause, but one of them is whales. Researchers noted that groups of whales tend to do better when postmenopausal whales are present.

My mother passed away in her early 60s, so she wasn’t around to help with my kids, but my Mother-in-Law helped, and it was appreciated (I have twins). They adore her, and I’m glad they’ve had so much time with her.

Surprising Benefits of an MIL

Not only did we bond during this visit, but she even cleaned out all of my expired food. That’s her love language.

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Is there someone older and special in your life that you enjoy spending time with?

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Be well, stay cool…

Shelby Tutty, MHA
Certified Perimenopause Educator
Founder of The Periprofessional, LLC

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1. https://nfsi.org/