No coincidence that so many of us are finally getting diagnosed with ADHD at this stage of life! I feel like I’ve always had a hard time with recall and with attention regulation but it’s intensified in recent years, and I know many other women who have had the same experience.
I agree, well said. I've found that perimenopause magnifies skills and challenges we already had. I don't know if you're speaking from personal experience or not but I know a handful of women with later diagnosis of ADHD. I have a section on my website homepage (right side on a computer) if you need resources. Not a ton of info currently but there are some Substackers I know. Thanks for your comment.
Just yesterday when describing something to my cousin, I referred to it as a “thingme” just as our Scottish Gran would have when she was also in a fog! This was a great read - thank you!
Great overview. I'm definitely noticing a shift my cognitive function. Tiredness has an impact but I'm much worse at remembering names than I used to be. Overall I still have quite good capacity to consume and create info but it's not as easy for sure. Great alt words too - who doesn't love shenanigans and high jinks. Been using those for years and they're great!
Thanks, Sabrina! I appreciate you sharing your story and experience. It helps everyone "normalize" what doesn't feel normal. I have good and bad days. I try to show myself grace when I can't come up with what I think I should. Thank you for being a reader and for commenting! Y'all Sabrina writes the Substack Build a Better Brain which I highly recommend.
Reading this series, I've laughed out loud, felt so understood, and actually said aloud,"THAT'S what that is!" This article was no exception. I've always reveled in language and its nuances and I thought maybe I had early onset Alzheimer's.
Everything was Bad in my life for a while: overwhelming brain fog, inability to hold a simple conversation (frustration with myself and everyone trying to guess the word I was struggling to recall), depression, sleeplessness, mood swings, the most horrendous hot flashes (40 minutes long several times each day that left me exhausted, shaking, and feeling chilled to the bone), dry skin, losing hair, headaches, weird body smells, some other stuff I can't remember right now, and generally freaking the freak out because I thought I was actually and for real losing my mind.
I've opted for the easy but controversial path of hormone replacement therapy (estradiol and something that maybe begins with an S?). I've been on this for a little more than a year and I do not regret my decision for a single second. I'm not 100% - maybe 75-80% but that's such a drastic improvement from a year ago when I thought maybe I'd wind up "Kentucky woman" on the evening news.
Thank you so much for your articles! The allergy thing was a revelation. I am getting so much out of your writing and I thoroughly appreciate you and your effort.
A question before I quit writing this novelette: "150 minutes" of exercise -- how often? Daily?! To quote a cultural icon, "Ain't nobody got time for that," and I would probably forget anyway.
Thanks @LifeAsJules! Keep fighting those zombies, you're gonna win. You're amazing for sharing all that you did about your experience. When we open up, we help so many women without even realizing the impact that we have. Your comment is going to do this!
#noshame on going the HRT route. It's a tool in the perimenopause toolbox that's at our disposal (thank you, spellcheck - I didn't nail that one and that's an easy one!) to use or not use. As you've noticed it's not the be all end all to everything that the internet makes it seem, but a 75-80% improvement is really good. I can't even imagine the horrors of 40 min long hot flashes. My 5 minute ones are the pits.
On the exercise, that's the guideline and I hated to post it because statistics like that can make us nuts trying to do everything perfectly. Basically, if you can do 30 minutes of exercise 4-5x a week you've got it covered, but any movement is better than none. Even 10 minutes. If you have any specific questions, let me know - you can reply back to any of my newsletters.
One last thing, would you mind if I made your comment a permanent part of my publication on a separate page?
Thank you! I'll tag you so you know when it's up - gonna put it together next week. You are perfect the way you are! Once I post it, if you need me to adjust anything, just let me know. I want you to be happy with it too!
I was *taking a medication* that has the word thing (see! I can’t even think of the term for that!) as a known side effect. I was getting deeper and deeper into the swamp until one day this happened:
Me to son: Put the thing in the thing.
Son (stopping in tracks): ….What?….
Me: The THING! Put it in the THING!!!!
Son: Mom…. I don’t know what you want.
Me: The round thing!!! Put it in…..
Son: ….the oven?…..
Me: NO! DON’T SAY WORDS WHEN IM TRYING TO THINK OF WORDS!!!!!
Son: Mom….
Me (screaming): PUT THE F*CKING BOWL IN THE F*CKING DISHWASHER!!! Omg, omg, I’m so sorry, it was locked right in the front of my brain and I couldn’t say it. I’m so sorry for screaming like that.
The next day I put in a call to my neurologist and said that med had to go.
Now I’m doing it because I’m old. Not as bad as that, but long pauses while I look for the word and other such nonsense.
Omg and how could I forget WEASEL PEAS!!! My daughter was walking by with wasabi peas and I said “hey, give me a scoop of those weasel peas!” I thought she was going to dissolve from laughing. My bff and her family will never call them anything else.
Shelly! OMG - I love this "DON’T SAY WORDS WHEN IM TRYING TO THINK OF WORDS!!!!!" We need shirts that say this. What the heck - it's not helpful! My family wants to feed me the word, but they throw me off the trail and then I really lose my place.
Here's a funny story for you. My hubs and I were out to dinner last week and I was just about to tell him something important when a mouse walked across the restaurant floor. At first, it seemed like the most normal thing in the world until my brain caught up and registered that CRAPOLA there's a mouse! We were traveling and we later learned that Halifax has a mouse problem so it's pretty common. It took me 24 hours to finally remember what it was that I wanted to tell my husband. He was waiting with baited breath until I could remember. I couldn't even remember the general topic.
We love wasabi peas here, but now they will be known from this point forward as "Weasel Peas." 🟢🟢🟢
One last thing, would you mind if I made your story a permanent part of my publication on a separate page?
Thank you! I'll tag you once it's posted (sometime next week) so you'll see it live. You may start a trend with weasel peas. It's so adorable! We need to laugh about this STUFF or we'll cry.
Shelly, this story is pure gold! I wanted to acknowledge your comment and will be back later today with my full reply. There's so much I want to say! Weasel peas!!!! 🤣🤣
Also I was talking to a client and I lost the term “pressure distribution”. I walked alllllllllll around it, and I never got it back in that interaction. To this day I’m sure I sounded ridiculous and I’ve no idea how I explained a pressure distribution system without ever saying those words.
I imagine that any word other than "pressure distribution" is going to be just as complex as pressure distribution! How do you work your way around that?!?
Loved reading this article; it makes me feel not so alone with my brain that frequently feels like cotton candy instead of a functioning organ. How many times do the words disappear somewhere between my brain and my tongue? And does anyone else have problems spelling? For example, my fingers type "femail" instead of "female" these days. Ugh. Thank goodness for spellcheck.
Thank you, Susan! I had a moment of panic after this article went out where I thought "OMG, what have I done!" They are all going to think I'm an idiot by admitting these things. Thank you for sharing here and keeping it real too. I've always been an awful speller, but it's gotten worse. I'll check out your Substack tomorrow when I catch up on administrative tasks. I love your topic 😁.
THIS! "My brain parts no work good." 🤣🤣 I feel like this article fried my brain. I don't know why - maybe being tired, probably. I've been pushing it too much lately. And, I don't know where I'm at in my cycle so that doesn't help - I am cycle unaware. I've played the "is it a period or spotting" game for too long. Baking box... blue ceramic container.... THIS is vocab for peri brain fog. Making a new section on my website and tag you're gonna be in it! Everyone reading this - Jess writes the Substack Go With The Flow: Women's Cycle Awareness which is a perfect complement Substack to my publication to learn more about your menstrual cycle and how to adjust accordingly to meet each phases specific specifications (that's the word and I'm going with it!).
Dear Shelby (May I call you Shelby?! If not, my apologies and please let me know how you prefer to be addressed):
I began following this newsletter a short while ago, and while so many of your posts have resonated… this one really hit me.
I’ve always considered myself to have an extensive vocabulary and a bit of a grammar nerd (which I attribute to English being my second language, a desire to overachieve in learning a second language, and also: Team Oxford Comma forever!). Lately, though, I find myself asking my husband “what’s that thing called that…” and then finishing the sentence with a description.
It feels alarming to forget what I know I once knew - and reading this today made me feel less alone.
Hilariously, I am a huge fan (ginormous fan?) of the word befuddled - it’s a word I use often.
I just wanted to leave a note to say: thank you.
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
Thank you for keeping this very important topic so top of mind for your subscribers and anyone lucky enough to find your newsletter.
I’m 40 and have not been officially diagnosed as being in perimenopause (only that some of my symptoms may be similar but also that I’m too young…), and I’m going to keep fighting to see if I can see a healthcare provider that is willing to dig deeper and find out if this may be what I’m dealing with.
I am just grateful I found this, because otherwise I’d feel much more lost.
Here’s to supporting women in all phases and stages of life.
Signed,
A mid-career professional who suspects she has peri 💕
Hi! Absolutely you can call me Shelby. Thank you for being a supportive reader. I truly appreciate your comment and sharing your story here! I had a rough introduction to perimenopause 7 years ago and I vowed never to let any other woman experience what I went through trying to figure this all out. It was a wild ride.
Ok, you've got to tell me how to use befuddle more frequently in sentences! It's such a cute word.
I'll mention that the average age of perimenopause is 45. This means that 50% of women are perimenopausal by the time they reach 45. So while 40 may be a little bit too young, it's certainly not out of the realm that you could be starting the process. If you want to piece it together with me, just reply back to any of the newsletters. I'm happy to answer any questions that you may not want to post in a comment.
I also want to ask you if you would be interested in being interviewed for a winter article (no pressure, but your comment gave me an idea).
Thanks, Dennisse! I'll reach out this week. I believe I can DM you through Substack, but if not I'll be back in touch. Hey, you're just leading by example with grace and humor!
Thank you so much for your comment! It means the world to me. You said so much that I want to unpack. I'm posting this short acknowledgment now but I will be back later today with my full reply.
No coincidence that so many of us are finally getting diagnosed with ADHD at this stage of life! I feel like I’ve always had a hard time with recall and with attention regulation but it’s intensified in recent years, and I know many other women who have had the same experience.
I agree, well said. I've found that perimenopause magnifies skills and challenges we already had. I don't know if you're speaking from personal experience or not but I know a handful of women with later diagnosis of ADHD. I have a section on my website homepage (right side on a computer) if you need resources. Not a ton of info currently but there are some Substackers I know. Thanks for your comment.
Just yesterday when describing something to my cousin, I referred to it as a “thingme” just as our Scottish Gran would have when she was also in a fog! This was a great read - thank you!
Ha! I should do an international edition. Canadian and Scottish - you’ve got all the good stuff going on!
Great overview. I'm definitely noticing a shift my cognitive function. Tiredness has an impact but I'm much worse at remembering names than I used to be. Overall I still have quite good capacity to consume and create info but it's not as easy for sure. Great alt words too - who doesn't love shenanigans and high jinks. Been using those for years and they're great!
Thanks, Sabrina! I appreciate you sharing your story and experience. It helps everyone "normalize" what doesn't feel normal. I have good and bad days. I try to show myself grace when I can't come up with what I think I should. Thank you for being a reader and for commenting! Y'all Sabrina writes the Substack Build a Better Brain which I highly recommend.
Reading this series, I've laughed out loud, felt so understood, and actually said aloud,"THAT'S what that is!" This article was no exception. I've always reveled in language and its nuances and I thought maybe I had early onset Alzheimer's.
Everything was Bad in my life for a while: overwhelming brain fog, inability to hold a simple conversation (frustration with myself and everyone trying to guess the word I was struggling to recall), depression, sleeplessness, mood swings, the most horrendous hot flashes (40 minutes long several times each day that left me exhausted, shaking, and feeling chilled to the bone), dry skin, losing hair, headaches, weird body smells, some other stuff I can't remember right now, and generally freaking the freak out because I thought I was actually and for real losing my mind.
I've opted for the easy but controversial path of hormone replacement therapy (estradiol and something that maybe begins with an S?). I've been on this for a little more than a year and I do not regret my decision for a single second. I'm not 100% - maybe 75-80% but that's such a drastic improvement from a year ago when I thought maybe I'd wind up "Kentucky woman" on the evening news.
Thank you so much for your articles! The allergy thing was a revelation. I am getting so much out of your writing and I thoroughly appreciate you and your effort.
A question before I quit writing this novelette: "150 minutes" of exercise -- how often? Daily?! To quote a cultural icon, "Ain't nobody got time for that," and I would probably forget anyway.
Thanks @LifeAsJules! Keep fighting those zombies, you're gonna win. You're amazing for sharing all that you did about your experience. When we open up, we help so many women without even realizing the impact that we have. Your comment is going to do this!
#noshame on going the HRT route. It's a tool in the perimenopause toolbox that's at our disposal (thank you, spellcheck - I didn't nail that one and that's an easy one!) to use or not use. As you've noticed it's not the be all end all to everything that the internet makes it seem, but a 75-80% improvement is really good. I can't even imagine the horrors of 40 min long hot flashes. My 5 minute ones are the pits.
On the exercise, that's the guideline and I hated to post it because statistics like that can make us nuts trying to do everything perfectly. Basically, if you can do 30 minutes of exercise 4-5x a week you've got it covered, but any movement is better than none. Even 10 minutes. If you have any specific questions, let me know - you can reply back to any of my newsletters.
One last thing, would you mind if I made your comment a permanent part of my publication on a separate page?
Only if you check it for errors first. Only sorta kidding. I would be honored if my experience helps someone find their path.
Thank you! I'll tag you so you know when it's up - gonna put it together next week. You are perfect the way you are! Once I post it, if you need me to adjust anything, just let me know. I want you to be happy with it too!
I was *taking a medication* that has the word thing (see! I can’t even think of the term for that!) as a known side effect. I was getting deeper and deeper into the swamp until one day this happened:
Me to son: Put the thing in the thing.
Son (stopping in tracks): ….What?….
Me: The THING! Put it in the THING!!!!
Son: Mom…. I don’t know what you want.
Me: The round thing!!! Put it in…..
Son: ….the oven?…..
Me: NO! DON’T SAY WORDS WHEN IM TRYING TO THINK OF WORDS!!!!!
Son: Mom….
Me (screaming): PUT THE F*CKING BOWL IN THE F*CKING DISHWASHER!!! Omg, omg, I’m so sorry, it was locked right in the front of my brain and I couldn’t say it. I’m so sorry for screaming like that.
The next day I put in a call to my neurologist and said that med had to go.
Now I’m doing it because I’m old. Not as bad as that, but long pauses while I look for the word and other such nonsense.
Omg and how could I forget WEASEL PEAS!!! My daughter was walking by with wasabi peas and I said “hey, give me a scoop of those weasel peas!” I thought she was going to dissolve from laughing. My bff and her family will never call them anything else.
Shelly! OMG - I love this "DON’T SAY WORDS WHEN IM TRYING TO THINK OF WORDS!!!!!" We need shirts that say this. What the heck - it's not helpful! My family wants to feed me the word, but they throw me off the trail and then I really lose my place.
Here's a funny story for you. My hubs and I were out to dinner last week and I was just about to tell him something important when a mouse walked across the restaurant floor. At first, it seemed like the most normal thing in the world until my brain caught up and registered that CRAPOLA there's a mouse! We were traveling and we later learned that Halifax has a mouse problem so it's pretty common. It took me 24 hours to finally remember what it was that I wanted to tell my husband. He was waiting with baited breath until I could remember. I couldn't even remember the general topic.
We love wasabi peas here, but now they will be known from this point forward as "Weasel Peas." 🟢🟢🟢
One last thing, would you mind if I made your story a permanent part of my publication on a separate page?
Sure, go ahead lol. I wonder if anyone I know will see it and remember weasel peas😛
Thank you! I'll tag you once it's posted (sometime next week) so you'll see it live. You may start a trend with weasel peas. It's so adorable! We need to laugh about this STUFF or we'll cry.
Shelly, this story is pure gold! I wanted to acknowledge your comment and will be back later today with my full reply. There's so much I want to say! Weasel peas!!!! 🤣🤣
Also I was talking to a client and I lost the term “pressure distribution”. I walked alllllllllll around it, and I never got it back in that interaction. To this day I’m sure I sounded ridiculous and I’ve no idea how I explained a pressure distribution system without ever saying those words.
I imagine that any word other than "pressure distribution" is going to be just as complex as pressure distribution! How do you work your way around that?!?
Loved reading this article; it makes me feel not so alone with my brain that frequently feels like cotton candy instead of a functioning organ. How many times do the words disappear somewhere between my brain and my tongue? And does anyone else have problems spelling? For example, my fingers type "femail" instead of "female" these days. Ugh. Thank goodness for spellcheck.
Thank you, Susan! I had a moment of panic after this article went out where I thought "OMG, what have I done!" They are all going to think I'm an idiot by admitting these things. Thank you for sharing here and keeping it real too. I've always been an awful speller, but it's gotten worse. I'll check out your Substack tomorrow when I catch up on administrative tasks. I love your topic 😁.
How about when my husband or kid is in the kitchen and is asking for directions to where something is?
"It's behind that door above your brain holder to the opposite of your left by that blue ceramic container for coffee."
"You mean in the cabinet above my head on the right next to the blue coffee mug?"
Or when needing to give instructions on how to do something in the kitchen?
"Get the bowl, no the large one, put the temperature in the baking box to 350..."
Gets up. "Oh nevermind, I'll just do it."
"What did I do mom? Why are you frustrated with me?"
"Its not you, it's me."
My brain parts no work good.
THIS! "My brain parts no work good." 🤣🤣 I feel like this article fried my brain. I don't know why - maybe being tired, probably. I've been pushing it too much lately. And, I don't know where I'm at in my cycle so that doesn't help - I am cycle unaware. I've played the "is it a period or spotting" game for too long. Baking box... blue ceramic container.... THIS is vocab for peri brain fog. Making a new section on my website and tag you're gonna be in it! Everyone reading this - Jess writes the Substack Go With The Flow: Women's Cycle Awareness which is a perfect complement Substack to my publication to learn more about your menstrual cycle and how to adjust accordingly to meet each phases specific specifications (that's the word and I'm going with it!).
Yep! As soon as I found your Stack, I jumped up and down (in my head) because I knew our writing was going to such a complimentary duo!
Dear Shelby (May I call you Shelby?! If not, my apologies and please let me know how you prefer to be addressed):
I began following this newsletter a short while ago, and while so many of your posts have resonated… this one really hit me.
I’ve always considered myself to have an extensive vocabulary and a bit of a grammar nerd (which I attribute to English being my second language, a desire to overachieve in learning a second language, and also: Team Oxford Comma forever!). Lately, though, I find myself asking my husband “what’s that thing called that…” and then finishing the sentence with a description.
It feels alarming to forget what I know I once knew - and reading this today made me feel less alone.
Hilariously, I am a huge fan (ginormous fan?) of the word befuddled - it’s a word I use often.
I just wanted to leave a note to say: thank you.
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
Thank you for keeping this very important topic so top of mind for your subscribers and anyone lucky enough to find your newsletter.
I’m 40 and have not been officially diagnosed as being in perimenopause (only that some of my symptoms may be similar but also that I’m too young…), and I’m going to keep fighting to see if I can see a healthcare provider that is willing to dig deeper and find out if this may be what I’m dealing with.
I am just grateful I found this, because otherwise I’d feel much more lost.
Here’s to supporting women in all phases and stages of life.
Signed,
A mid-career professional who suspects she has peri 💕
Hi! Absolutely you can call me Shelby. Thank you for being a supportive reader. I truly appreciate your comment and sharing your story here! I had a rough introduction to perimenopause 7 years ago and I vowed never to let any other woman experience what I went through trying to figure this all out. It was a wild ride.
Ok, you've got to tell me how to use befuddle more frequently in sentences! It's such a cute word.
I'll mention that the average age of perimenopause is 45. This means that 50% of women are perimenopausal by the time they reach 45. So while 40 may be a little bit too young, it's certainly not out of the realm that you could be starting the process. If you want to piece it together with me, just reply back to any of the newsletters. I'm happy to answer any questions that you may not want to post in a comment.
I also want to ask you if you would be interested in being interviewed for a winter article (no pressure, but your comment gave me an idea).
Oooops, deleted wrong comment - that’s what I get for trying to add context to my message from yesterday. 😅😅😅.
Just posting again to confirm that yes, would love to chat and will happily be interviewed!
And I’ll share any solid uses of the word befuddled. 💕
Have a fabulous weekend!
Thanks, Dennisse! I'll reach out this week. I believe I can DM you through Substack, but if not I'll be back in touch. Hey, you're just leading by example with grace and humor!
Thank you so much for your comment! It means the world to me. You said so much that I want to unpack. I'm posting this short acknowledgment now but I will be back later today with my full reply.